Dear Readers,
This will be my final blog post about my first year of teaching. I have had so many thoughts, feelings, memories, etc. this year and I will try to capture just the glimpse of how the end of the year felt for me. I could not believe how quickly the school year went by. It seemed like just yesterday I had a lump in my stomach when all the little kids came into my classroom on the first day of school. Their eyes were full of wonder and I had to pray just to make it through the first day. Looking back I can't believe how nervous I was when now standing at the front of the classroom is so natural. I loved watching the kids grow and change the most this year. Most of them lost lots of teeth, they all grew taller, and their faces look older as I compared the picture from when they came on the first day to the end of the year picture. I have also enjoyed watching them change intellectually. The kids all came in at different levels and abilities but by the end of the year they could all read, write, and be able to think for themselves more than the beginning of the year. I have also enjoyed watching their little personalities show themselves throughout the year. One student was so shy at the start of the year that she had troubles letting go of her mother's hand when she was dropped off and now she is a confident student who is ready and enjoys school. One of my major focuses of the year was to teach them responsibility. This meaning I wanted them to be able to know that they are responsible for their actions, study habits, and materials. For example if a kid forgot their homework they could not blame it on their mom but themselves. It was great to see how at the beginning of the year we would walk through the process of organizing their papers/homework and how much they were pros at it at the end of the year. I also enjoyed watching their knowledge of their subjects grow. I loved showing them at the end of the year all of the phonics cards they had successfully learned! I have to admit I was a tough teacher for a first grader but I know it will help them prepare for 2nd grade.
The emotional side of the end of the year was trying to capture all of the everyday moments that happen in my classroom. Each day though routine, something new would happen. A child would realize an idea for the first time, tell me something more about who they are, or ask a really interesting question that would take me a minute to think of the right response. I was realizing that the chapter of time to be their teacher would come to a close and I wanted to enjoy the end of the year.
It was a stressful time with grades being due, cleaning out my classroom, and having to collect all of the borrowed materials. There was also more stress due to the fun activities such as the Field Trip, Field Day, and End of the Year Party. I love doing extra work for the kids so it is worth the extra stress. The kids had so much fun the last week of school and I was glad to watch them experience all the new events that went on.
I asked a lot of teachers what it feels like when the kids move on to the next grade and most of them said it depends on the class meaning sometimes they were happy to see them go and sometimes it was hard to see them go. I really enjoyed the kids in my class this year. I am not saying they were angels by any means but they were so unique and special and made teaching a meaningful experience for me. I knew that it would be hard to say goodbye and I just hoped that I wouldn't cry until they left.
On the last day of school I made it until chapel and then cried when they had the students move to the second grade pews. My kids had never seen me cry and did not know how to react. I felt bad for the Kindergarteners who came to sit by me because I looked like a mess. I am so glad I went and talked to them earlier in the week about what First Grade is like. I also cried when I started reading to the kids like I do every morning just realizing that it was the last time. The last day of school was a great celebration and before I knew it, it was time for them to go home like they do everyday but I knew they would not be back on Monday this time. At that point all my tears were gone and I was in the teacher mode of trying to help them get everything into their backpacks and ready to go home.
A cute moment happened a few hours after school was out. My student Erica came back with her nanny who said that she had been crying since school was out. The nanny then told me that Erica did not want to go to Second Grade. After some hugs and talking about how great second grade is, Erica had a smile and told me that she can now go to second grade. It was priceless!
It has been a week since school has been out and I have been looking back at the pictures with joy and am so excited to teach again in the fall! I know that I have learned so much as a teacher this year and will be even better at it next year. I am looking forward to meeting all my new students and starting the process over of how to be a responsible First Grader.
I have run into a student since school has been out and when he yelled teacher, teacher it reminded me that I will always be their teacher and the time I spent with them had an impact on their lives. I also literally ran into a parent who wanted to thank me for all my hard work and her daughter will be in my class the next year. In the small community of Saipan I will see parents/students in public. There are some students who are not coming back in the fall due to moving away to another country,or changing schools,but the majority of the kids will be at the school so I will see them again soon.
I am really proud of myself for overcoming all the many challenges of being a teacher presents especially having zero training in being a teacher. I love teaching a lot but my only wish is to just be able to focus on a few students at a time instead of a whole class. This is why I want to be a school counselor someday so I can be more individualized in helping students.
So yes to conclude it has been a tiring year of learning how to be a teacher, but one of the best experiences I have had. I will also miss the students in my class this year but am so glad for the time I had with them. I will not miss the grading or papers but the 20 smiling faces looking at me each morning!
